The Seemingly Small Things
The goodness of God blows me away.
I love to journal. I have for years, and in 2020 I started my first junk journal, having no clue I would be able to fill it with pictures of my engagement and wedding and hikes with Chris Sledge. But with how overwhelming year became, I got behind. Instead of regularly making note of things I took pictures and said I’d print them off later.
Towards the end of last year I did get many memories printed and I was excited about finishing up the journal. Creating something to leave our kids to know how God was so intricately involved in their beginning even before they were conceived is a dream of mine.
However, mom died and that combined with another deeply personal loss, my creativity was swallowed by grief. I shut down. There were days I couldn't get out of bed. Not that I didn't want to, but I couldn't.
In His goodness He reminded me yesterday of my dream to make a journal each year and I put time on the calendar next week for me to make a 2021 book. I haven’t even created a space to place all my memories for this year.
Even though I was discouraged because we’re over a quarter into the year, I refused to let my perfectionism get in the way. I told myself it is OK if I just make a layout describing the year so far.
Then this morning as I woke up I saw that kindle app now tracks reading. It is a visual picture of what the first part of the year was like. It showed me a week of not knowing how to survive. A week busy with work. Then on January 16th I started diving into the world of Harry Potter and God used it to speak so deeply to my soul.
On March 25 I went a few days without reading and I am reminded that is when my energy and courage for life started feeling tangible again. God is so good in the seemingly small things that are actually huge to us personally.
And now my morning time is looking more like it does when I am in an emotionally healthy place. I read some of the sacred scriptures. I chit chat with The One Who Put The Stars Into Place. I have even started reading some more scholarly books again that deepen my understanding of how I can better be the hands and feet of Jesus here.
And while when there is spare time I am enjoying diving into fiction, it isn’t fuel for me like it was before. It is something I enjoy yes, but not because I don’t emotionally know how to function daily.
I am not sure who else needs a reminder that The One Who Loves You Most is wooing you on a daily basis. It doesn’t look the same for everyone. And that is OK. Just because no one else is moved by the things that God does for you doesn’t make them any less significant.
If you find yourself today just wanting to hide, feeling overwhelmed, please know you are not alone. As I type this I am reminded of Jesus’s last night on earth in the garden. He went away to be alone with The Creator because He knew that is the best place to go when life feels scary. When life feels hard.
Today I am praying for you. I am asking that you are so aware that you are passionately loved by The God of All Creation. Even if you don’t believe in Him. I am praying His peace that passes all human comprehension will wash over you in a way that leaves you breathless the same way falling in love does.
I am asking that wherever you are, whatever is going on, you will know, deep in your knower, that you are loved. You are accepted. And you are worthy of the love of the One who created you, who designed you before you took your first breath.
And I am asking this in the most beautiful, kind, loving name I know Jesus. Amin!