August 17, 2020

Like many Americans, I struggled for decades with my weight. As an American woman in the 90’s, I was constantly bombarded with images of waif thin women and fad diets. Being a thicker girl in that era I never felt good enough. I was told over and over again to strive and try to be someone else’s version of “better”.

This morning my husband and I were talking about how messed up my mind was because I used to actually be jealous of my anorexic friends. I had tried over the years to starve myself but felt I never had the self control to stick with it. I wished I was the kind of person who lost their appetite during s...

May 25, 2020

I just finished watching an amazing conversation between Sandra and Andy Stanley and Kate Bowler. They were discussing Kate’s new book and her experience of going through colon cancer and how she drew near to the heart of God through pain.

Andy referenced her and her book in his sermon “Becoming Better Through A Crisis”, quoting her saying we all (I think Americans) have a little prosperity gospel in us. For me it looks like when I get to the point where I am uncomfortable with the mystery of God I try to put Him in a box.

I’ve written and talked about it a lot over years and in my last post https://www.fellowsoj...

May 14, 2020

did my best to keep hope for what could be while loving what was. I learned to create boundaries and push against shame, which led me to stop attending church on Mother’s Day. Instead I started hiking my favorite trails on those Sunday mornings. This practice was so life giving...

April 29, 2020

In January 2017 I found myself in a new place of discontentedness. I couldn’t put my finger on what was going on inside to keep me from loving where life had led me. I had a job I enjoyed going to, a good friend group, and got to serve in an awesome church. Things weren’t perfect but they were good. And they were simple, which is how I love life.

My relationship with God was in a season of dullness and my set aside time with Him often was out of duty rather than desire. But that happens. That is life. That is relationship. Everyday isn’t going to be fireworks and roller coasters. I was ok with that, but not the dis...

April 23, 2020

“God loves watching things grow.”

I heard Beth Moore say that yesterday as I was in the middle of another day that felt frustratingly unproductive. To be honest I’m in week two of feeling frustratingly unproductive off and on.

In my life I have moved a lot, and although the last 7-8 years I’ve only moved a few times, there was a decade which I often moved a couple times a year. So I am a master at unpacking and getting settled. Within the first few days I usually have things on the walls and essentials have found their home. With the exception of the “hoarder’s corner” of my closet (well to be honest a couple houses...

April 12, 2020

This has been a most unique Easter season for me. A couple weeks ago I posted about how this was the first year in a long time I hadn’t observed Lent by fasting something. Previous years I found myself being led by God into deeper introspection, often accompanied by a heart search that revealed the remnant of some hidden sin or fear.

But this year has been all celebration. I’m not sure why God loves me so much that during the darkest season the world has collectively gone through while I am a part of it, He has given me my biggest blessing and brought to the deepest season of joy I have ever known.

Chris, my husb...

March 31, 2020

In the last couple of years I have started making hardbound journals and memory books. They started off as gifts and before everything happened in the last few weeks, I was in the process of selling them at markets and trying to get them into boutiques.

But the book I was most excited about was the one I had been planning for my wedding. It was going to be the first one I had ever made with the intention of keeping and I was so excited to make it a place for guests to sign and leave little messages. Then going back and adding pictures and memories from the day.

Up until January of this year I had never kept one of...

March 28, 2020

This morning as I sit enjoying my coffee, it hit me that this is the first time in about fifteen years I haven’t given anything up for Lent. Not being Catholic I never observed it until I was twenty-five and living in Romania. I heard a sermon by Louie Giglio and was encouraged to take time before Easter and focus on the cross.

Fasting in conjunction with pray has been a regular part of my life for almost twenty years and there is such beauty the outward sign that we care more about God than we do whatever we are giving up. As someone who has struggled with food addiction and an unhealthy relationship with food mo...

March 25, 2020

This morning I was thinking about the goodness of God and His timing. In light of being newly married to a man who compliments me in a ways I didn’t even know to dream about, timing is on my mind a lot.

From the time Chris and I met but never said anything, through meeting after meeting, to our first conversation that I think started off with knee injuries and surgeries. To short messages and praying for and about each other, to falling in love before I even knew what was happening, we have seen God’s timing in action.


And as I write this in the midst of the shut down of almost everything and social distancing,...

March 19, 2020

Sitting here on my new couch in my new home, reflecting on the goodness of God despite all the craziness of this time in the world. Thinking about how just 2 days ago God worked out my dream wedding perfectly.

As an introvert I was torn about having a big wedding and reception. I know I am blessed with more people who love me than I could ever deserve and really want to celebrate my marriage with them.

But I also know me. I get overwhelmed when too many people I know are in one room. Before I read the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain ( ), an amazi...

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