Grateful for the Tension

“Is this what it takes to make my heart grateful?” I asked God this morning, thinking of all the different moves I've made over the years. As I sat swinging on someone else’s porch swing, enjoying the sounds of rain I asked God to one day let me live in a place with a similar swing and porch again. A few days ago I asked Him to once again let me settle in a place with a walnut tree like I had in Romania. And as I think about it, I would love a fireplace again to heat up my home during the winter and to once again have some raspberry bushes in my backyard would be great. In my adult life I have been a nomad of sorts and have had more addresses than I can begin to recite from memory. Each home

Killing My Coping Mechanisms

For the last decade or so God has been taking me on a journey of killing my coping mechanisms. I didn’t realize that’s what He was doing at first, but slowly I became aware of how I was numbing my feelings. I was numbing any discomfort. Like many people, life had thrown me certain curve balls and I hated feeling pain, sorrow, and regret. Since I didn't know how to process those feelings, pain quickly turned to despair, sorrow to depression and regret to condemnation. So I was determined not to feel any of that and learned how to numb my feelings. But as I learned from listening to Brene Brown, to the degree that I numbed my pain and sorrow I also numbed it’s opposite. I didn’t feel anythin

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