The Pressure's Off
So I love to have a plan. And I like lists too, but so often my plans don’t go according to schedule and when I forget that God is the one ordaining my days I’m tempted to be hard on myself. Take the last couple of mornings for instance. Yesterday was one of those days I just woke up tired. Thursday night I had planned on being asleep by early and up early. My plan was to spend extra time with God in the morning and get a longer workout done to make up for skipping the gym earlier this week. But when I got home my roommate and I started talking and I love talking to her. With our schedules too often we just say “hi” and “bye” so on evenings when we can really talk, it’s a great gift. This gift just meant I was up later than I planned. Which means I slept later so my time with God and time at the gym yesterday were shorter than I planned. The last few months I have deemed that my spiritual and physical health are now two of my top priorities again so when my morning didn't go as planned I was tempted to feel like it was a fail. I was tempted to feel like I was a failure because my great plans weren’t accomplished. I was tempted to think my set aside time with God wasn’t enough and I was tempted to not be thankful for the time I got in at the gym because it “should have been more”. Then again this morning, I don’t have much time to sit with The One Who Loves Me Most because I get the opportunity to volunteer at an amazing foster home. I set my alarm with enough time to get some reading done but not much else, but woke up forty-five minutes before my alarm. One thing about me is I HATE waking up to alarms. The being suddenly shaken out of a deep sleep is just miserable for me. Decades ago I asked Jesus to wake me up before my alarm and He is been so gracious to answer that. I’d say about 95% of my days I wake up at least 5 minutes before my alarm is set to go off. And over the years God has often woken me up often a while before my alarm and beckoned me to spend unexpected time with Him. I don’t always hop out of bed, but the invitation alone is such a sweet present. So this morning when I felt Him tugging at my heart to hang out with Him, I was still groggy and just wanted to lay in bed. I rolled over and told Jesus I’m sorry but I didn’t want to get up and proceeded to enjoyed doing nothing for 30 minutes. When I finally got up and moving I stopped and looked toward the ceiling (I generally look up when I talk to Him. It’s been a quirky habit since childhood.), and told Him I am sorry. With a big sigh I started to feel disappointment because yet again I didn’t get my day going as early as I could have or “early enough” as the enemy of my soul likes to whisper in my head. But as the words were coming out of my mouth I felt the gentle reminder that God knew my body would enjoy 30 minutes of laying in bed drifting in and out of consciousness and He plans for things like that.
If His plan for me was longer time with Him, He would have woken me up sooner. He knows my heart and knows what my best is. He knows sometimes my best isn’t answering Him… Too many years I heard the enemy playing a record on repeat doubting my love for God because my morning routine wasn’t what it “should be” or what it once was. This season of my life God has called me to the honor of leading a several small groups which sometimes keeps me up late and with the being able to volunteer in a couple hours, gets me up early. So my set aside time with God will look different these next few Saturdays and that is all a part of His plan. He will make the time in my schedule and continue to speak to and woo my heart throughout the day. He is so good to us and uses even our shortcomings that come as a result of these earth suits. And as I’m typing this out I'm reminded it is the second thing I wrote this morning. I felt God tell me to scratch the first one and now I feel led to share this little babble in case anyone else is struggling today with their best not being enough. I feel He wanted me to remind you that He’s got it planned out. He has a game plan for what our time with Him should look like and when we listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit we will know when to make it happen. We will know what time to set our alarms for. And if we get that part wrong, He will adjust our REM cycles so we wake up in time to hear Him beckoning us to get away with Him a bit. He is so amazing!! And He loves us. He loves you. He loves me… So simple to say but so vast to grasp.