When Faith Feels Hard
I don’t know about you, but on any given day I can run the entire gambit of emotions when it comes to my contentment level.
Yesterday was one of those days. Maybe it was post vacation blues because the morning before I had been enjoying my coffee outside by the pool inhaling ocean air. Maybe it was because on vacation I hand’t made the best food choices and my body was detoxing from chips, queso, and even a pop tart. Most likely, even though those things didn’t lend any help to the situation, I figure it was one of those days because I am human and live in a fallen world. Even though I know my faith is strong and deep in my knower, there is no doubt that The Savior Of My Soul has me where He wants me and has an amazing plan for things, it doesn’t always feel that way.
There are days when faith feels hard.
And for me, yesterday started out that way. I looked at my to do list, my laundry that needs to be folded, my laudry that needs to be washed, my book that is so close to being done but still needs some editing, and all the other things circling my mind. I can so easy get pulled down by it all and get caught up in feeling overwhelmed. Will I work enough this summer to meet my financial goals or do I need to adjust my budget and eat more eggs than steak for a while just to be safe? I started the morning sitting in bed, feeling blah and trying to manufacture some feeling of faith. You know those days when God feels so close to you. Those days when faith feels easy and if doubt in God’s sovereignty tries to enter you mind it is met with a wall that could part the red sea again if that’s what God requires of you... Yesterday was not one of those days where faith feels easy, but thankfully God has taught me over the years that there is no faking the feeling and Him being God isn't dependant on my feelings. So after a little feelingless reading and prayer that felt more like talking to a wall than to The God of The Universe, I got up, made me some breakfast, and vegged out on a little TV before going on a run. I went about my morning knowing God is good and for me, but not necessarily having the feelings to back it up. I had a nice little run on my favorite trails listening to the sermon from church I missed a couple weeks ago. And although it was great and God and I chatted about it, there was still just lack of feeling excitement, and that was ok. As I was heading to my car, I ran into an old friend I hand’t seen in years and we talked for almost an hour. It was a great conversation because she is an amazing woman I always enjoy talking to. As we caught up, in the last few minutes of our conversation she made a simple statement on prayer that sent a shot of hope up my spine and tears to my eyes. You see one thing I had forgotten to mention is in the midst of my blah morning, in talking to God about a certain situation I was feeling overwhelmed about, I cried out in desperation to Him, “Please send me some writing on the wall!”. But to be honest, I didn’t really expect any. I figured that it would just be one of those days where I have to choose to live out faith knowing in the end it will be stronger because I KNOW God is in control. But as I stood in the parking lot talking to my friend, I felt God say, “Here you go, Baby Girl. Here is some writing on the wall to help strengthen your faith feelings.” And once again I was blown away by His faithfulness. I headed to work lighter because I felt the reassurance that God is in control and His will will be done in every situation in my life that I submit to Him. It made me thankful for the way my morning went because my faith was indeed strengthened.
God is God whether it feels like the truth or not.
Then later that day I got a text from a friend who found out he wasn’t going to get the job he’d been hoping for and my heart hurt for him because it sux to be in that place where faith feels hard. We talked about God’s faithfulness and prayed for His will and trusted He is moving heaven and earth on behalf of my friend.
Then a few hours later, I got a text from this same friend saying he’d been offered another position. How quickly God moves and how faithful He is!! So if you find yourself in a place where faith feels hard, know you are not alone. Moses argued with God, Abraham doubted God’s protection and even Jesus asked for a way out of the cross if possible. Thankfully God is sovereign even when it doesn’t feel that way....