Waiting For All The Pieces
Anyone who knows me halfway well knows I have been working on a project the last year that I know is from God. God has confirmed it in my heart and through other people time and time again, yet it remains that: an unfinished project or my first book to be more specific.
At first I put it down because the content was too personal. There was one chapter that after I finished it I felt like I had been through a war. I literally had to just hang out with God for a month to wrap my head around it all and allow Him to bring me into a deeper place of healing. You see, the book is called "Scorpions, Scones, and Red Solo Cups" and is about allowing God to heal the wounds of our hearts. So it's only natural that in the process of writing it, things would come up in my own heart that I need to allow Him to heal. So putting the book on hold at first was a healthy thing, but after a month and seeing God bring peace to my heart in a place that had held chaos, I let something else sit in: apathy.
Apathy: lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.
It's a sneaky little creature that grows at an exponential rate. When I had started on the book, I wasn't writing as much here because when I had time to write, I needed to it be spent on my book. Then when I put the book down, I used the same excuse why I wasn't on here anymore. I mean if I would open up my computer, I need to spend the time on the book, right? So nothing happened. Over and over I would come up with ideas and make notes for blog subjects but when I would go to write, well, I just wouldn't.
Then apathy's tentacles became long and infiltrated so many other areas in my life. I started to think of sitting and writing as a luxury and a waste of time. When I did have a free morning I would sweep the floors or do the dishes instead. When a creative writing idea hit, I was overwhelmed with the fact I still haven't unpacked all the boxes from a move that happened 3 months ago. So instead of writing, I moved some of boxes into my bedroom to force me to deal with them. I developed a plan of how once I got all the other things done I would sit and write.
But you wanna know what, my floors are always going to need to be swept. They are wood and we have a 6 year old boy in the house. Random leaves and twigs are just a part of the beautiful craziness of living here. There will always be dishes that need to be either cleaned or put away, and knowing how my brain works, I'm always gonna have a pile of mail or something to go through.
Yesterday was one of those days I could have pounded out a couple chapters. I mean the book I'm working on isn't even that long. I had every intention of writing. I went to the gym and got my car looked at because the check engine light came on and made some spaghetti sauce to much on for a few days. By the time all that was over, it was about 1:00 in the afternoon and I had lost all motivation to write. So I took a little nap, which led to be putting my new wind guard on my jeep which led to a couple other things around the house and a little tv watching and before I knew it, the day was done. I had opened my computer once only to turn it back off again.
I went to bed disappointed in myself for wasting the opportunity. But then today happened. I ended up not having to be at work until the evening so I spent the morning first reading and praying a bit. (On a side note, I'm going through Draw The Circle and if you're looking for a great soundtrack for your conversation with God, I highly recommend it.) Then I broke our my computer and reread all I had written for the book and have been pounding away at it most the day, excited about the possibilities of how God may use my journey to encourage and bless other people.
I took a little break and made myself some coffee and noticed there are dishes in the sink. The floors also need to be swept, and those boxes from my move months ago, well, they are piled to the ceiling in the corner of my room threatening to loom discouragement over me as I write. And as I took a survey of all the things I could be doing, and in some people's mind all the things I should be doing, I can't help but smile.
I had fallen for the lie that all the pieces need to be in place before I can work on what God has put on my heart. I fell for working on the good thing while neglecting the great thing.
What pieces are you waiting to fall into place? Are you waiting for a certain number in your bank account? Are you waiting for your house to be just so? Is the piece you're looking for a certain relationship goal or a number on the scale?
Don't get me wrong, I will continue to work on all the pieces. I will sweep the floor and the dishes will get done, but I'm not gonna fall for the lie anymore that they all have to be in place before I can get the book done.
One beautiful thing about God's grace is we just have to show up and do what we can and He takes care of the rest. Yesterday He woke me up knowing He'd blessed me with a day to write, but I completely wasted it. But in His grace He gave me a do-over and taught me a beautiful lesson
I don't have to wait for all the pieces to be in place to do what I know I'm called to.
He is the Author Of My Story and holds the world in His hands. So if I have a few pieces missing from the equation, He will work all those out in His time.
So here's to hoping that if apathy has taken over and hidden in the midst of some legitimate things, that you are encouraged to move anyway, even if all the pieces aren't in place.