When I Need to Redefine My Idea of...

May 25, 2020

When Boundaries Are Needed in Unex...

May 14, 2020

Loosing Faith in the Miraculous

April 29, 2020

Loving Watching Things Grow

April 23, 2020

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May 25, 2020

I just finished watching an amazing conversation between Sandra and Andy Stanley and Kate Bowler which can be found at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT4z5MId5tc . They were discussing Kate’s new book and her experience of going through colon cancer and how she drew near to the heart of God through pain.

Andy referenced her and her book in his sermon “Becoming Better Through A Crisis”, quoting her saying we all (I think Americans) have a little prosperity gospel in us. For me it looks like when I get to the point where I am uncomfortable with the mystery of God I try to put Him in a box.

I’ve written and talked about it a lot over years and in my last post https://www.fellowsojourner.com/single-post/2020/05/14/When-Boundaries-Are-Needed-in-Unexpected-Areas I talk about how when I was single I had stopped attending church on Mother’s and Father’s Day because it was too painful.

In that season I also was quick to shut down people who were uncomfortable with my pain and tried to silve...

May 14, 2020

did my best to keep hope for what could be while loving what was. I learned to create boundaries and push against shame, which led me to stop attending church on Mother’s Day. Instead I started hiking my favorite trails on those Sunday mornings. This practice was so life giving...

April 29, 2020

In January 2017 I found myself in a new place of discontentedness. I couldn’t put my finger on what was going on inside to keep me from loving where life had led me. I had a job I enjoyed going to, a good friend group, and got to serve in an awesome church. Things weren’t perfect but they were good. And they were simple, which is how I love life.


My relationship with God was in a season of dullness and my set aside time with Him often was out of duty rather than desire. But that happens. That is life. That is relationship. Everyday isn’t going to be fireworks and roller coasters. I was ok with that, but not the discontentedness. Then one day as I was getting ready for work I realized what it was:

I had stopped believing in the miraculous.

I still believed God is a God of miracles but was no longer expecting to experience them. I had built myself a good little life where I could basically exist without needing Him to come through for me on a regular basis. Not only that, I had stopped...

April 23, 2020

“God loves watching things grow.”

I heard Beth Moore say that yesterday as I was in the middle of another day that felt frustratingly unproductive. To be honest I’m in week two of feeling frustratingly unproductive off and on.

In my life I have moved a lot, and although the last 7-8 years I’ve only moved a few times, there was a decade which I often moved a couple times a year. So I am a master at unpacking and getting settled. Within the first few days I usually have things on the walls and essentials have found their home. With the exception of the “hoarder’s corner” of my closet (well to be honest a couple houses ago I had a whole “hoarder’s closet”) I can usually everything set up in place quickly.

But with the wonderful blessing of pushing my wedding up a few weeks early because of the quarantine, I was only half packed before I moved my stuff. So there was a lot of purging and organizing I would normally do on the backside of a move that I’ve needed to do in my new place.

Add to that...

April 12, 2020

This has been a most unique Easter season for me. A couple weeks ago I posted about how this was the first year in a long time I hadn’t observed Lent by fasting something. Previous years I found myself being led by God into deeper introspection, often accompanied by a heart search that revealed the remnant of some hidden sin or fear.

But this year has been all celebration. I’m not sure why God loves me so much that during the darkest season the world has collectively gone through while I am a part of it, He has given me my biggest blessing and brought to the deepest season of joy I have ever known.

Chris, my husband, and I both love the church. We are involved in our home church and believe being an active part of the local church is one of the biggest honors we have. With church now being online, last Sunday we had our laptop out ready to be a part of corporate worship, but then one of us said something that caused me to hit pause and ask some clarifying questions.

Two and a half h...

March 31, 2020

In the last couple of years I have started making hardbound journals and memory books. They started off as gifts and before everything happened in the last few weeks, I was in the process of selling them at markets and trying to get them into boutiques.

But the book I was most excited about was the one I had been planning for my wedding. It was going to be the first one I had ever made with the intention of keeping and I was so excited to make it a place for guests to sign and leave little messages. Then going back and adding pictures and memories from the day.


Up until January of this year I had never kept one of the journals I made. Although I loved my life’s circumstances, I never could get fired up over a whole journal full of other people’s kids and you can only print off so many pictures of trails you’ve hiked in Georgia before they all start to look the same. I was living a beautiful, simple life that was full of more content moments than not, but there just weren’t a lot of pi...

March 28, 2020

This morning as I sit enjoying my coffee, it hit me that this is the first time in about fifteen years I haven’t given anything up for Lent. Not being Catholic I never observed it until I was twenty-five and living in Romania. I heard a sermon by Louie Giglio and was encouraged to take time before Easter and focus on the cross.

Fasting in conjunction with pray has been a regular part of my life for almost twenty years and there is such beauty the outward sign that we care more about God than we do whatever we are giving up. As someone who has struggled with food addiction and an unhealthy relationship with food most of my life, it takes me to an even deeper examination of what do I go to numb.

Usually I give up sweets and some years other foods. One year I gave up background tv, which may not sound too hard, but it made me aware of how often I would just have the tv going on in the background. I learned to use the time and listen to teachings or music. I learned the background could...

March 25, 2020

This morning I was thinking about the goodness of God and His timing. In light of being newly married to a man who compliments me in a ways I didn’t even know to dream about, timing is on my mind a lot.

From the time Chris and I met but never said anything, through meeting after meeting, to our first conversation that I think started off with knee injuries and surgeries. To short messages and praying for and about each other, to falling in love before I even knew what was happening, we have seen God’s timing in action.

 

And as I write this in the midst of the shut down of almost everything and social distancing, God’s goodness in my life is so apparent in His timing with our wedding. As a self employed asthmatic who has lost her main job for the month of March, it would be hard for me not to be freaking out if I was on my own.

I’m not going to lie, diving head first into relying on my husband to cover my March bills, which were from my life as a “me” and not a “we”, has been an inte...

March 19, 2020

Sitting here on my new couch in my new home, reflecting on the goodness of God despite all the craziness of this time in the world. Thinking about how just 2 days ago God worked out my dream wedding perfectly.

As an introvert I was torn about having a big wedding and reception. I know I am blessed with more people who love me than I could ever deserve and really want to celebrate my marriage with them.

But I also know me. I get overwhelmed when too many people I know are in one room. Before I read the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain (https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153 ), an amazing book about how introverts are wired, I thought there was something wrong with me.

I am not shy by any means and people are usually shocked when I say I am 100% introvert. But inside, when there are lots of people or people I don’t know, I just feel overwhelmed but I have learned to power through and my acting background comes in handy. Most times people have no clue I am...

March 18, 2020

Yesterday I married My Ish.

Ish is the Hebrew word for “man”. As long as I can remember I have been praying for my husband, at first referring to him simply as my husband. But over a decade ago, I started to lovingly refer to him as My Ish, the name that now comes up on my phone when he calls.

I have several journals and many notes written in the margins of my Bibles over the years asking God to move in his life. I’ve prayed protection over him and blessings for his day. I’ve asked God to take him even deeper into His heart, many times wondering if there was a man on the other end of the name that had become so dear to me: My Ish.

So when it came time to plan our wedding I decided instead of live flowers for my bouquet I wanted to make paper flowers out of my last Bible. The Bible that was first I started experimenting with creative journaling. The first Bible that I turned into a prayer journal also.


There was only one problem, I could not find this precious belonging anywhere. I k...

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Many of us have felt the sting of a wound to the heart, and there is nothing like the comfort found in the company of people who know us well and accept us.Scorpions, Scones and Your Favorite Playlist will serve as a twenty-one day soundtrack for you conversation with God. Along the way you will be challenged to look at the condition of your own heart and be given a guide to asking the deeper questions pertaining to its wounds.  Everyone’s journey is different, but our Heavenly Father longs to heal all our hearts so we can live out this journey in freedom.

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Scorpions, Scones, and Your Favorite Playlist

 

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Many of us have felt the sting of a wound to the heart, and there is nothing like the comfort found in the company of people who know us well and accept us.Scorpions, Scones and Your Favorite Playlist will serve as a twenty-one day soundtrack for you conversation with God. Along the way you will be challenged to look at the condition of your own heart and be given a guide to asking the deeper questions pertaining to its wounds.  Everyone’s journey is different, but our Heavenly Father longs to heal all our hearts so we can live out this journey in freedom.

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