Came In As Fear But Left As Awe And Trust
It was a normal Monday afternoon at work full of normal Monday things. I had packed the girls’ lunches for school the next day and was about to fold some laundry while they slept when what I thought to be a normal Spring thunderstorm came rolling through.
Then I started to hear the “ping, ping” of hail and thanked God I wasn’t out driving in it (hail for a jeep driver in the spring is never a good thing). Then as it started to come down harder I lamented that I hand’t pulled my friends’ car under the carport and prayed for no damage. As I was in the middle of this thought the storm started to turn violent and I realized I needed to check the weather. As I whipped out my phone I saw we were in a tornado warning. I ran up stairs and grabbed the sleeping three year old and headed toward the basement when the hail started coming down even harder. So I ran and grabbed the sleeping 6 year old and carried them both down to the basement. We’ve had tornado warnings before, but never accompanied by that much hail. So as I sat on the couch holding two sleeping children that aren’t mine, assessing the best place to put them, I prayed. I don’t remember the last time I had prayed with such conviction because for a brief second a paralyzing fear passed through my mind: what if the tornado touches down and something happens to these two kids I love so much. Thankful to God and His peace, I prayed protection over us and refused to let that fear have a home in my heart or mind. I made a pallet for the girls under the desk at the wall furthest away from the window and turned on the news. I sat in awe of the storm taking place outside and was thankful that the God who controls it is the very God who loves me. According to the news, for about five minutes there were funnels above our area of town so I listened for the ominous sound of a train. It never came and the sky cleared up. I made sure we were out of any danger before returning the one sleeping kids back to bed and telling the other one everything is safe now. I let her hold one of the pieces of hail and we later snuggled on the couch watching more news and making sure the next few storms weren’t going to be bad. After my adrenaline had started to wear off and I had a little cry from the rush of it all, I couldn’t help but smile in awe of the greatness of God.
I was also in awe of how the very thing that had threatened to make me tremble me in fear was the very thing that left me with more confidence in The One Who Loves Me Most. But that was only possible because of all the other storms of life that have threatened to destroy me but I have come out stronger on the other side because the love of my God carried me through. If I didn’t know that He controlled when my death will happen, I would give into fear more often. If I hand’t experienced His provision when other physical threats were in front of me, it wouldn’t have been as easy to enjoy the beauty of the storm yesterday. When I was younger in my faith and my walk with God, I didn’t enjoy the storms, both literal and figurative, as much as I do now. They were so scary because even though there was a part of me that knew God had me, that knowledge hand’t been tested yet. And there are still many times I too cry out, “Lord, I believe, Help me in my unbelief”, but there are also just times of belief. Times of trust. Times of being left in awe of the very thing that had tried to lodge fear in my heart. Times when I, like Joseph, can really say what was intended for my harm, God intended for good. In fact, so many times the things in life thrown my way by the enemy of my soul that are intended to cripple me are not only used for my good but the good of others. The storm yesterday was just another beautiful reminder of this great adventure of life we are on. There are times that are scary because me have little or no control of the outcome, but the more we learn to trust, the more we can enjoy the beauty of the storm.