What Did He See?


What Did He See? For those of us who are followers of Christ, we hang our lives on the knowledge that Jesus came, lived a sinless life, was killed in our place as the perfect sacrifice doing away with the need of shedding of blood for forgiveness of sins, and on the third day, came back to life. He is now seated in heaven and somehow we are seated with Him and have right standing before God. We are forgiven, redeemed, holy, and saints. For the last four years I have wrestled intensely with what it means to have our identity in Him. I’ve also wondered from time to time what it was like for Jesus when He was dead. Nothing is written about the time between His crucifixion and resurrection and I wonder if it’s because we, as humans, couldn’t stand the knowledge of what it would be like for our Savior to be at the mercy of the enemy of our souls. I once had the opportunity to play Mary, the mother of Jesus, and perform the most beautiful monologue written by Max Lucado. I have never connected to a part so deeply and years later am reminded of what it must have been like to be Mary. In this monologue she is speaking to a newborn Jesus and makes reference to His future, and I think that is what got me thinking about what it must have been like for Him. 
Not only was He tortured and beaten on earth. Not only did He feel the emptiness of separation between Him and The Father, as best as I understand the scriptures. And not only did He feel the sting of death, but He felt the weight of every sin ever committed and ever to be committed. My sin alone has held me captive for years; what was it like to feel the weight of every sin of every human? So I let that sit with me for a while... I remember the weight of my sin before experiencing the redemptive power of the cross? I try to imagine having every sin placed on me... When he died, did the enemy of our souls really think he has defeated God? When Jesus was dead, was He tortured by the fallen angels He had created to glorify Him? Did the mocking the humans threw at Him at Golgotha pale in comparison to the mocking of the demonic forces? Growing up, my church did a passion play every Easter and I remember being a teenager making jokes about how even though I know the outcome I cried seeing Jesus crucified every time. My brain didn’t get it then but my soul did: I owe more to Jesus than I will ever be able to put into words. Seeing a dramatization of His death caused something to well up in me that I pray never goes away. I pray I never stop searching to understand the pain My Savior went through and that the conversations between us never stop. My pastor once said something to the effect that anything that becomes normal looses it effect on us. I pray that the thought of the sacrifice of Christ never looses its power or becomes something I get used to. So today, in this journey to understand the Heart Of The One Who Loves Me Most I have to ask: What did He See? How did it feel? What were His thoughts while He experienced death and the weight of my sin...

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